A Conversation with Dan Choi, Part 3: Allies

And now, Part 3 of an interview that I conducted early last year....

Yeah, I know; it's a lot more than a little late. But better late than never, right?

What happened? Well, for starters, I procrastinated on doing the research to introduce Part 3. Then my computer broke, and it remained broken for a year or so. It's finally up and running, so I have access to my interview files now. I figured I might as well post the final part here, for anyone who happens to remember the first two parts and wants to read the conclusion to the interview.

In the time since I posted Part 1 and Part 2, Don't Ask, Don't Tell has been repealed. The repeal finally went into effect on September 20, 2011. Transgender soldiers still are not allowed to serve. Since attempts to declare DADT unconstitutional have so far failed, the policy can be reinstated by executive fiat in the future. You can read the full timeline of the rise and fall of Don't Ask, Don't Tell here.

In Part 1 of this interview, Lt. Choi discussed the importance of sacrifice in the struggle for civil rights. In Part 2, he explained the necessity of agitation in social justice movements. In Part 3, he talks about allies—and I surprise him with a revelation of my own.

These themes are still relevant now, after the repeal of Don't Ask, Don't Tell. Much can be learned from Lt. Dan Choi, brilliant activist that he is.


We know that allies are indispensable for our movement. How can we get more allies involved in activism? How can we get them to understand that our struggle is relevant to them?

That question requires us to look at the process of how somebody becomes an ally. Luella, you can answer that very eloquently yourself. If you didn’t know gay people, if you weren’t personally in contact with somebody who is gay, I think it would be very difficult to jump into activism as a straight ally, or as somebody who would get involved or contribute in any way. I believe that deep down in the heart of everybody who is an activist—whether they’re gay, or straight, or trans, or whatever their identity—I believe that there is a personal motivation as to why. They saw somebody who was either injured, or insulted, or damaged—or even vindicated and empowered—and they knew the kinds of injustice that exist. Or they just have a personal fondness for somebody who made the opportunity available to them. But deep down, the very foundation and the root of why people have jumped into activism, and in this movement, is because they have a personal motivation, because somebody got them to think deeply about the issues.

And so, in the end, it’s still required for us just to come out of the closet. For gay people, coming out of the closet is the most powerful thing, and the most accessible element to everybody, because essentially, it costs nothing but the fetters of having to lie, and shedding the kind of imprisonment that has been bothering you; that’s the only thing you lose. It’s accessible to everybody, and then, the people who hear it—it doesn’t just end there, because you’re a straight ally, and you’re doing—

Actually—speaking of coming out—I guess you were under the impression that I’m straight, but I’m actually bi.

Oh, okay. I didn’t realize that. Well, now you just told me.

Yeah.

I just assumed, because you were talking about your boyfriend.

Well, that’s one of the problems with bisexual erasure. But that’s a whole other topic.

Yeah, well, now you’re educating me, which is—that is evidence right there. Any time that we are able to be bolder in our truth, it certainly empowers ourselves, but it empowers other people, as well. And one of the many important things to realize with the movement as a whole is that not everybody is going to have the wherewithal to make the sacrifices that are necessary. And I understand completely that there are some who might find it very unpalatable—unimaginable—to be involved, and to make those sacrifices. I do not look down on them.

However, we have all recognized and acknowledged the importance of the very act of stepping up and searing into the consciousness—not only of the people that need to be convinced, but of the people within our own community—that there are people within our family, our community, that this means so much to their personal journeys and lives that they are willing to step up to this level. And it needs to be a very clear message that resonates with every gay person. We’ve done this, and we’re going to continue doing this. We need you to be involved, as well. What will you do? Everybody has something that they can contribute.

And I’m not just going to think in the linear sense of, okay, well, the civil disobedience only, and most pointedly, is about getting this one Defense Authorization Bill. It’s obvious it does more than that. And the larger journey and the effort for me—and what gives me the most hope and inspiration—is when I hear that other people who have no desire to do anything with the military, they see these things, and they see what our group of people is doing, and our group is continuing to grow. That has inspired other people to come out of the closet, to have courage and faith that since these people are being true to themselves—these people that are no longer going to lie anymore—they could also have strength.

So, to think so narrowly that the only ramifications of this civil disobedience are this law, or the realm of politics, is absolutely shortsighted. There is something of a clear message that deeply resonated with a lot of people throughout the entire community, and that’s why you see so many people who have nothing to do with the military, or who never want anybody to be in the military, who try to be part of it, and to be strengthened and emboldened by the actions of others. If that’s all that we’ve achieved with this, it’s probably one of the most important things that can result out of it. And obviously, it is tied to the legislative goals, and it is tied to the political goals, and that, too, is an important thing, but what needs to deeply resonate is the very important element of our civil disobedience that it is also a message within our own community.

Lieutenant Choi, thank you for your courage, leadership, and personal sacrifice, and thank you very much for speaking with me today.

No problem, Luella.


This interview has been edited for readability. Many thanks to Colin Murphy and Adam Shriver for their advice and assistance with editing. If you’d like to get involved in grassroots LGBT activism in St. Louis, please visit ShowMeNoHate.com. You can find info on grassroots organizing for LGBT equality wherever you are at GetEqual.org. And please join the movement for economic equality for all Americans, the 99% movement of Occupy Wall Street and other local occupations like Occupy St. Louis.

Act now to save ENDA!

Bad news: ENDA has been shelved. Congress is putting off voting on ENDA (the Employment Non-Discrimination Act) until the beginning of 2010 -- when election-year pressures will make it harder than ever to get this important legislation passed.

It is now more urgent than ever to call and write your senators and representatives to demand that they pass ENDA now.

(Read more at the St. Louis Activist Hub.)

Rally at the St. Louis Cathedral Basilica

Catholic Action Network, the Holy Families Committee, and Show Me No Hate are organizing a rally to be held at the steps of the St. Louis Cathedral Basilica on Sunday, November 29.

(Read more at the St. Louis Activist Hub.)

Is Obama giving up on the public option?

Today, the Associated Press published a story claiming that the White House appears ready to abandon the public option. Without a public option, there is no real health care reform.

(Continue reading at the St. Louis Activist Hub.)

"Day of Decision" Rally

The California Supreme Court has announced that it will be ruling on the legal challenge to Proposition 8 this Tuesday, May 26. Supporters of marriage equality will rally across the nation regardless of the decision.

Ed Reggi of Show Me No Hate is organizing a rally in St. Louis to be held at City Hall on Tuesday evening from 5:30 to 7:30 p.m. From the Show Me No Hate blog:

A pro-Equality court decision would help fortify our community against what could be difficult years of economic strain and scapegoating.

A[n] anti-Equality court decision would likely fuel the heightened level of violence already recorded against the LGBTQ community across our nation. It will embolden more bigotry and homophobia.

If the court overturns Prop 8, we will all be celebrating. If the court upholds the proposition, we will all unite in protest. "We must pack our City Hall to stand in solidarity with California and the world," Reggi said. Please join us downtown on Tuesday evening as we stand united for equality!


Cross-posted to St. Louis Activist Hub

Show Me Marriage Equality

Today, Ed Reggi and Scott Emanuel, as well as 16 other same-sex couples from Missouri, traveled by bus to Iowa City, Iowa to get legally married in that state. While their marriages won't be recognized by the state of Missouri when they return home tonight, their trip makes a powerful statement that there are same-sex couples who would get legally married in this state if they could, and that marriage equality is an important goal for Missouri and the rest of the nation.

Tomorrow, from 3-5 p.m., there will be a Marriage Equality Advocacy Celebration at Washington University's George Warren Brown School of Social Work. Drinks and cake will be provided; however, attendees are encouraged to bring a dish to share. The event is free and open to all, but the organizers will be collecting donations for PROMO, Sage Metro St. Louis, Growing American Youth, the LGBT Community Center, and the ACLU of Eastern Missouri, in honor of the 17 newly-married couples.

Congratulations to Ed, Scott, and the other newlyweds. May this day be the beginning of a long, happy wedded life for each of you; and may your marriages be legally recognized by this state and by the federal government, as they ought to be, sooner rather than later.

Mazel tov!

Light Up the Night for Equality

Hello, and Happy Holidays!

I have lots of ideas for writing, but the thoughts need to coalesce. Among other things, I'm working on a two-part piece, but the second part has yet to materialize. Alas, I'm not very prolific at this stage in my blogging career. But no one's reading this blog yet, anyway, so I don't think that matters much. :-) On to what's important now:

First of all, Project Postcard is still going on. I haven't mentioned this before, but they are encouraging us to send a postcard to Obama before the New Year to remind the President-elect to keep his campaign promises.

Tomorrow, Saturday, Dec. 20 in St. Louis is Santarchy, a daylong barhop for Santas and elves. At 6 p.m. is Light Up the Night for Equality, and I hope that Santas and allies will participate in this peaceful event.

If you're planning to do Santarchy, you don't have to do the whole thing. It goes from noon to 2 a.m. or so, and I would venture to posit that that's a little too much drinking even for most St. Louisans(?). So if you want, you can still do Light Up the Night before or after Santarchy. There will be a group of people carrying candles in the Loop, and afterwards there will be the option to attend a free holiday concert.

Please note, the candlelit walk in the Loop is a vigil, not the time or place for outrageous costumes, drunken antics, chanting or protest signs. Please dress appropriately and stick to silence or singing if you choose to attend.

The other option, if you're busy with Santarchy or something else, is to light a candle at home and place it on your porch or in your window. For safety's sake, you are encouraged to use battery-operated electric candles.

So if you're going out in the evening, please light an electric candle on your windowsill before you leave. If you'd like, stop by the Loop for the candlelight vigil at 6. Peace and joy to you and yours, and thanks for supporting equality!

Human Rights, and Day without a Gay

Next Wednesday, December 10, is international Human Rights Day. It's also Day without a Gay.


What is Day without a Gay? In short, it is a day for LGBTQ people and allies to "call in gay" to work in order to give back to the community. People are justifiably outraged by the passage of California's Proposition 8, as well as the anti-gay ballot measures in Florida, Arizona, and Arkansas, and other violations of the civil rights of LGBTQ Americans. It is important to stand up and fight, but in order to win, we must get beyond our anger. Volunteering for LGBTQ-friendly organizations is an excellent way to do so.

You do not have to be gay to take the day off on the 10th to support our cause. Lesbians, gays, bisexuals, and asexuals are all invited to do so, as are people who are transgendered, intersexed, genderqueer, or allies of all of the above. The word "Gay" was chosen simply because it rhymes with "Day." This day is about tolerance and inclusiveness. So please don't let the name put you off.

Another concern that some have about Day without a Gay is the impracticality of taking the day off work. Besides the obvious risks of "calling in gay," some people -- many people -- do not have paid vacation time, and some truly cannot afford to take the day off work. Thus, Day without a Gay has been accused of being classist, and I can understand that viewpoint. I do believe that the day is important, but it's probably not worth losing your electricity or missing your rent or mortgage payment.

But you don't have to take the day off to help. You can volunteer whenever you are able -- perhaps before or after work on the 10th, but really, any day of the year -- and if you're not able, you can do other things to support the cause.

If you are interested and able to attend, Show Me No Hate is sponsoring a Community Education Day as the local (St. Louis) event for Day without a Gay. "This will be a day," according to the site, when "we can get educated, energized, mobilized and prepared" to continue the fight for LGBTQ equality. And at the end of the event, we get to watch the new movie Milk. A limited number of free tickets will be available.


December 10, 2008 is the 60th anniversary of the United Nations' Universal Declaration of Human Rights. The General Assembly of the UN "adopted and proclaimed" the Declaration in 1948. In 1948 we had this proclamation of human rights and human dignity.

Reading the UDHR today, in 21st Century America, I am amazed by how progressive it sounds, relative to American politics. More important, I am struck by how many human rights violations my country engages in regularly.

Article 16 states that marriage is a human right for "[m]en and women of full age, without any limitation due to race, nationality or religion." Gender variants are not mentioned, and sexuality is not specifically mentioned as an unacceptable limitation to marriage. But Article 2 establishes that all people are "entitled to all the rights and freedoms set forth in this Declaration, without distinction of any kind, such as race, colour, sex, language, religion, political or other opinion, national or social origin, property, birth or other status [emphasis mine]."

This country and the world still have a long way to go, and the truth is, there are much more egregious human rights violations than the lack of same-sex marriage being committed in the United States and all over the world. Humans are troubled creatures, prone to hatred, violence and divisiveness. I am a realist. I realize that human nature cannot be forced into submission.

But I'm also an idealist. I know that we've come a long way already. And I still hope for the ultimate triumph of love, peace and unity.

R.I.P. Bigots and their Victims

Yesterday was Transgender Day of Remembrance, a day to honor people who have lost their lives due to anti-transgender violence. Such violence deeply saddens me, and not only because I have several transgendered friends. That human beings are capable of such bigotry is hard for me to believe at times. But that my loved ones could be targets of such hate crimes makes them personal.

Unfortunately, I didn't feel well yesterday; I got up, but soon went back to bed, and slept most of the rest of the day. So I didn't get to attend the event at Wash. U., where they were going to be showing the second half of the documentary series TransGeneration. That was upsetting to me not only because I had really wanted to go, but because I had been planning to take a friend who doesn't have a car and also wanted to be there.

The other night, I watched the first episode of TransGeneration on YouTube. Everything beyond that was just little clips, or too poor quality to be worth watching. Last night, since I had missed the screening, I searched in vain for another source of the series, but finally gave up and fell asleep watching Transamerica on Google Videos.

Obama may not support same-sex marriage, but he does support legally-equivalent civil unions, expanded hate crimes legislation, and employment nondiscrimination. The results of this Election Day were bittersweet for LGBTQ folk and straight allies, but there is hope that things are moving forward. Prop 8 passed by only a slender margin, the California Supreme Court is going to hear challenges to the ban, and the worst bigots are slowly dying off. Most young people I know are supportive of LGBTQ rights; the worst sin of my generation is apathy. Hopefully soon, we can sit back and bask in equality, but right now, activism is needed.

Marriage Is Love

Below is the text of President-Elect Obama’s response to a question from the Human Rights Campaign regarding same-sex marriage. The questionnaire in its entirety with Obama’s answers is available at www.barackobama.com.

I believe civil unions should include the same legal rights that accompany a marriage license. I support the notion that all people – gay or straight – deserve the same rights and responsibilities to assist their loved ones in times of emergency, deserve equal health insurance and other employment benefits currently extended to traditional married couples, and deserve the same property rights as anyone else.

However, I do not support gay marriage. Marriage has religious and social connotations, and I consider marriage to be between a man and a woman. If I was President, however, I would oppose any effort to stifle a state’s ability to decide this question on its own. Whether it was a Constitutional amendment banning gay marriage or a bill like the Defense of Marriage Act, I would oppose such efforts. I think the President should do all he or she can to advance strong families. Whatever the make-up of the family, it is the President’s role to provide policies and leadership that enable the family to thrive.

Now, here is an altered version of the same text. I have changed some of the original words to illustrate a point.

I believe civil unions should include the same legal rights that accompany a marriage license. I support the notion that all couples – interracial or not – deserve the same rights and responsibilities to assist their loved ones in times of emergency, deserve equal health insurance and other employment benefits currently extended to traditional married couples, and deserve the same property rights as anyone else.

However, I do not support interracial marriage. Marriage has religious and social connotations, and I consider marriage to be between two people of the same race. If I was President, however, I would oppose any effort to stifle a state’s ability to decide this question on its own. Whether it was a Constitutional amendment banning interracial marriage or a bill like the Defense of White Marriage Act, I would oppose such efforts. I think the President should do all he or she can to advance strong families. Whatever the make-up of the family, it is the President’s role to provide policies and leadership that enable the family to thrive.

The altered version would sound pretty preposterous coming from the child of an interracial marriage. Of course, it's pretty preposterous on its own. But laws against interracial marriage were still in place in several states as recently as 1967.

Granted, it is entirely possible that Obama's lack of support for legal same-sex marriage is at least partially due to the current political climate. Vocally supporting gay marriage would most likely have hurt Obama's chances for election. The wording in his response to the HRC's question about same-sex marriage was likely purposefully mitigating, in order to appeal to both sides of the issue. Appealing to both sides of an issue is what politicians do best.

According to the questionnaire, Obama would oppose legislation that would eliminate states' rights to decide on their own whether or not to legalize same-sex marriage. His personal, religiously-motivated belief is that marriage is between a man and a woman, but he is in favor of granting same-sex couples a separate-but-equal institution that would give them the same legal rights as marriage—just don't call it marriage, 'cause that word is sacred. He supports strong families, but some families have to stand in one line, and other families get to stand in the other line (the one that everyone wants to stand in).

Making comparisons between the struggle for gay rights and the struggle for civil rights for black Americans is dangerous territory, of course, because the iniquities committed against blacks in this country have been, overall, much more egregious and pervasive. However, civil marriage is a civil right, and it's not the same thing as religious marriage. No religion will ever be forced to perform marriages that it believes are wrong. But if straight people have the right to civil marriages, then gay people ought to have the right to them, too. Otherwise, we should get rid of the term "marriage" in terms of government-recognized unions altogether and have everyone stand in the line for a civil union license.

Religious marriage of same-sex couples can be and is performed by religious denominations that support it. The government has granted pastors, priests, rabbis, etc. the right to create a civil marriage at the same time that they create a religious marriage. However, religious leaders who would like to create a civil same-sex marriage at the same time as the religious one are unable to do so. Conservative religious beliefs dictate government policy on this issue. That seems a little like the establishment of a state religion. Thus, same-sex marriage can be viewed as a freedom of religion issue as well as a civil rights issue. How can we pass a Constitutional amendment that eliminates a First Amendment right without also repealing the First Amendment?

Not every church is going to sanction same-sex marriage, and not everyone wants a church-sanctioned marriage, anyway. Not everyone even wants to be married. The right in question is the right to civil marriage for those couples who desire it. Same-sex couples should have the same civil rights as opposite-sex couples. That means either a) giving same-sex couples the right to legally marry, or b) eliminating the word "marriage" from legal licenses and giving all couples the right to civil unions that are legally equivalent to today's civil marriages.

A lot of the argument on this issue is over semantics. Religious conservatives believe that the word "marriage" is sacred and they don't want to change the traditional definition to include same-sex unions. Committed, loving same-sex couples want to call their unions "marriages" and have those marriages be recognized by the law. Civil unions that confer the same legal rights as civil marriages are a step in the right direction. But ultimately, the government ought to pick one term and use it for all legally-recognized committed unions. Using two different terms for two different groups of people perpetuates inequality.

Separate is not equal.

The author invites her readers to join her at the St. Louis protest against California’s Proposition 8 this Saturday, November 15 at 12 noon downtown at the Old Courthouse. More information about the protest can be found at www.showmenohate.blogspot.com. Information on simultaneous protests in other cities nationwide is available at www.jointheimpact.wetpaint.com.