March Against Violence

Last weekend at the St. Louis nightclub the Complex, three young men were approached by four men from another bar who called them "f-----s" and then attacked them because they're gay.

Also last weekend, a woman who uses a wheelchair was raped and robbed by two men near a gas station in Ladue.

In response to these vicious crimes, local activists in the LGBT community have organized a candlelight vigil, march and rally to be held Friday, Dec. 4, at 7 p.m. along Manchester Ave. Speakers at the rally will include Sen. McCaskill, the Mayor's office, Rep. Clay, the NAACP and others.

(Read more at the St. Louis Activist Hub.)

Rally at the St. Louis Cathedral Basilica

Catholic Action Network, the Holy Families Committee, and Show Me No Hate are organizing a rally to be held at the steps of the St. Louis Cathedral Basilica on Sunday, November 29.

(Read more at the St. Louis Activist Hub.)

Don't forget the "T"!

Once again, it is Transgender Day of Remembrance, the one day set aside every year to remember and honor our transgender friends whose lives have been lost due to hatred and bigotry. Anti-transgender hate crime is some of the most vicious and brutal violence out there. It's unacceptable that so many are murdered just because their bodies don't happen to match their genders.

I am lucky to have many creative and caring friends who are very dear to me. One of my friends, who happens to be trans, has expressed her appreciation that I treat her like just another person.

Receiving gratitude for not discriminating against my friend is an odd experience. I have never had a friend with, say, freckles tell me how glad she is that I treat her the same way that I treat other people.

Unfortunately, there are plenty of people who treat trans folks as though they were less than human. Even among LGBs, trans people are often treated with intolerance and disrespect, and it breaks my heart to see it. LGBs of all people ought to understand what it's like to be hated and excluded. Though it may be tempting, there is no excuse for passing on society's contempt for us to a group of people that is even more marginalized than we are.

My dear friend Robyn of TransHaven Missouri says that trans people are just people, like everyone else. I agree with her for the most part, but I would modify that statement: Trans people are people who, by and large, have been subjected to psychological abuse throughout their lives, and who sometimes have to hide who they are just to avoid being killed.

If you're in St. Louis, I invite you to join me this evening at 5:00 at Wash. U. for a TDOR memorial. I will stand by my trans friends to remember their dead and give thanks that my friends are still alive.


Cross-posted to St. Louis Activist Hub

"Day of Decision" Rally

The California Supreme Court has announced that it will be ruling on the legal challenge to Proposition 8 this Tuesday, May 26. Supporters of marriage equality will rally across the nation regardless of the decision.

Ed Reggi of Show Me No Hate is organizing a rally in St. Louis to be held at City Hall on Tuesday evening from 5:30 to 7:30 p.m. From the Show Me No Hate blog:

A pro-Equality court decision would help fortify our community against what could be difficult years of economic strain and scapegoating.

A[n] anti-Equality court decision would likely fuel the heightened level of violence already recorded against the LGBTQ community across our nation. It will embolden more bigotry and homophobia.

If the court overturns Prop 8, we will all be celebrating. If the court upholds the proposition, we will all unite in protest. "We must pack our City Hall to stand in solidarity with California and the world," Reggi said. Please join us downtown on Tuesday evening as we stand united for equality!


Cross-posted to St. Louis Activist Hub

"Marriage Is Love" Revisited, or "We just saved a bundle on car insurance!"

~~~ See end of post for important update! ~~~

Yesterday, I attended the Marriage Equality Town Hall Talk at Central Reform Congregation. Two of my closest friends went with me. My friends enjoyed the talk and found it informative and thought-provoking.

Over dinner afterward, we chatted about marriage equality. One of my friends told me that the talk was really good. She said she learned some things that she hadn't known before. She even said that if she were to attend a marriage equality rally, the sign she'd make would say something like, "I can get married; why can't they?" That was thrilling, because back in November, she hadn't seemed interested enough in the issue to want to attend a rally in protest of Proposition 8.

At the talk, we heard from some of the couples who traveled to Iowa on May 1st how life has or hasn't changed since they got legally married there.

Many said the day was bittersweet. It wasn't how they had imagined getting married. They had wanted a normal wedding with all of their family and friends present. Some had hesitated before deciding that boarding the bus was the right thing to do.

But most were surprised by how meaningful the day turned out to be. They didn't encounter any protesters, and the people of Iowa City were welcoming. The bus and the church in which they tied the knot were full of love and support that day.

And they returned home to some unexpected benefits of marriage. For one thing, getting married in Iowa entitled the couples to a legal name change for the $35 cost of the marriage license -- and the name changes cannot be contested in the state of Missouri. Other same-sex couples have spent thousands of dollars getting their names changed without a marriage license.

Ed Reggi spoke of how the businesses with which he holds accounts wanted to change his account status to "married." Because of their new married status, Ed and his husband Scott Emanuel were able to save hundreds of dollars a year on their car insurance. I now think that the newlywed couple ought to star in a GEICO commercial:

"The state of Missouri won't recognize our out-of-state marriage license. But there's good news!"

"What's that?"

"We just saved a bunch of money on car insurance!"

During a question-and-answer session, I asked if it's true that it's a misdemeanor to perform a same-sex wedding ceremony in Missouri. Rabbi Susan Talve confirmed that it's a misdemeanor in this state "to solemnize a marriage without a marriage license." Religious leaders are representatives of the state when they conduct wedding ceremonies. The government grants them the right to officiate, to create a legal marriage along with the spiritual union. By default, all same-sex weddings in Missouri are performed without a marriage license. In 2004, Missourians passed a constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriage.

Rabbi Talve has never actually been cited for officiating a same-sex wedding, and she has done so numerous times. "Let them try!" she quipped. But technically, she doesn't have the legal right to marry same-sex couples, even though her religion fully supports such couples' right to marry. She spoke of the sadness that accompanies her joy when conducting same-sex wedding ceremonies. She wants to be able to make the marriages legal, and she can't. This is the heart of why legalizing same-sex marriage is a matter of religious freedom.

Another person asked how a separate-but-equal right to civil unions for same-sex couples would be different than the right to civil marriage. Reggi summarized what he has heard from lawyer friends: The word "marriage" is written into law on so many different levels that creating an entirely new institution would pose no end of legal challenges. Even if civil unions were legally equivalent to civil marriages, problems might arise when, for example, couples with a civil union license crossed state lines.

This argument also applies to the idea of the government getting out of the marriage business: If civil marriages were replaced by civil unions, then opposite-sex couples wishing to form a civil union would most likely run into the same legal hassles. And all because certain people don't want to share the sacred word "marriage" with committed, loving same-sex couples whose unions are just as sacred as theirs.

One member of one of the couples compared the opposition to same-sex marriage with the opposition to interracial marriage by a previous generation. "It's the same discrimination all over again," she said. Her parents are an interracial couple.


Next up in the fight for marriage equality is the Prop 8 Day of Decision. The California Supreme Court has only until June 3rd to rule on the challenge to Proposition 8. The ruling will be on either a Monday or a Thursday. Supporters of marriage equality need to be ready to rally, regardless of the decision!


IMPORTANT UPDATE 5/22/09: Today the California Supreme Court announced that it will rule on Prop 8 this Tuesday, May 26, at 10 a.m. Pacific time (12 noon Central). Ed Reggi is planning a rally in St. Louis for Tuesday at 5:30 p.m. Please add him as a friend on Facebook and be ready to protest or celebrate!


Cross-posted to St. Louis Activist Hub

Show Me Marriage Equality

Today, Ed Reggi and Scott Emanuel, as well as 16 other same-sex couples from Missouri, traveled by bus to Iowa City, Iowa to get legally married in that state. While their marriages won't be recognized by the state of Missouri when they return home tonight, their trip makes a powerful statement that there are same-sex couples who would get legally married in this state if they could, and that marriage equality is an important goal for Missouri and the rest of the nation.

Tomorrow, from 3-5 p.m., there will be a Marriage Equality Advocacy Celebration at Washington University's George Warren Brown School of Social Work. Drinks and cake will be provided; however, attendees are encouraged to bring a dish to share. The event is free and open to all, but the organizers will be collecting donations for PROMO, Sage Metro St. Louis, Growing American Youth, the LGBT Community Center, and the ACLU of Eastern Missouri, in honor of the 17 newly-married couples.

Congratulations to Ed, Scott, and the other newlyweds. May this day be the beginning of a long, happy wedded life for each of you; and may your marriages be legally recognized by this state and by the federal government, as they ought to be, sooner rather than later.

Mazel tov!

Light Up the Night for Equality

Hello, and Happy Holidays!

I have lots of ideas for writing, but the thoughts need to coalesce. Among other things, I'm working on a two-part piece, but the second part has yet to materialize. Alas, I'm not very prolific at this stage in my blogging career. But no one's reading this blog yet, anyway, so I don't think that matters much. :-) On to what's important now:

First of all, Project Postcard is still going on. I haven't mentioned this before, but they are encouraging us to send a postcard to Obama before the New Year to remind the President-elect to keep his campaign promises.

Tomorrow, Saturday, Dec. 20 in St. Louis is Santarchy, a daylong barhop for Santas and elves. At 6 p.m. is Light Up the Night for Equality, and I hope that Santas and allies will participate in this peaceful event.

If you're planning to do Santarchy, you don't have to do the whole thing. It goes from noon to 2 a.m. or so, and I would venture to posit that that's a little too much drinking even for most St. Louisans(?). So if you want, you can still do Light Up the Night before or after Santarchy. There will be a group of people carrying candles in the Loop, and afterwards there will be the option to attend a free holiday concert.

Please note, the candlelit walk in the Loop is a vigil, not the time or place for outrageous costumes, drunken antics, chanting or protest signs. Please dress appropriately and stick to silence or singing if you choose to attend.

The other option, if you're busy with Santarchy or something else, is to light a candle at home and place it on your porch or in your window. For safety's sake, you are encouraged to use battery-operated electric candles.

So if you're going out in the evening, please light an electric candle on your windowsill before you leave. If you'd like, stop by the Loop for the candlelight vigil at 6. Peace and joy to you and yours, and thanks for supporting equality!

Human Rights, and Day without a Gay

Next Wednesday, December 10, is international Human Rights Day. It's also Day without a Gay.


What is Day without a Gay? In short, it is a day for LGBTQ people and allies to "call in gay" to work in order to give back to the community. People are justifiably outraged by the passage of California's Proposition 8, as well as the anti-gay ballot measures in Florida, Arizona, and Arkansas, and other violations of the civil rights of LGBTQ Americans. It is important to stand up and fight, but in order to win, we must get beyond our anger. Volunteering for LGBTQ-friendly organizations is an excellent way to do so.

You do not have to be gay to take the day off on the 10th to support our cause. Lesbians, gays, bisexuals, and asexuals are all invited to do so, as are people who are transgendered, intersexed, genderqueer, or allies of all of the above. The word "Gay" was chosen simply because it rhymes with "Day." This day is about tolerance and inclusiveness. So please don't let the name put you off.

Another concern that some have about Day without a Gay is the impracticality of taking the day off work. Besides the obvious risks of "calling in gay," some people -- many people -- do not have paid vacation time, and some truly cannot afford to take the day off work. Thus, Day without a Gay has been accused of being classist, and I can understand that viewpoint. I do believe that the day is important, but it's probably not worth losing your electricity or missing your rent or mortgage payment.

But you don't have to take the day off to help. You can volunteer whenever you are able -- perhaps before or after work on the 10th, but really, any day of the year -- and if you're not able, you can do other things to support the cause.

If you are interested and able to attend, Show Me No Hate is sponsoring a Community Education Day as the local (St. Louis) event for Day without a Gay. "This will be a day," according to the site, when "we can get educated, energized, mobilized and prepared" to continue the fight for LGBTQ equality. And at the end of the event, we get to watch the new movie Milk. A limited number of free tickets will be available.


December 10, 2008 is the 60th anniversary of the United Nations' Universal Declaration of Human Rights. The General Assembly of the UN "adopted and proclaimed" the Declaration in 1948. In 1948 we had this proclamation of human rights and human dignity.

Reading the UDHR today, in 21st Century America, I am amazed by how progressive it sounds, relative to American politics. More important, I am struck by how many human rights violations my country engages in regularly.

Article 16 states that marriage is a human right for "[m]en and women of full age, without any limitation due to race, nationality or religion." Gender variants are not mentioned, and sexuality is not specifically mentioned as an unacceptable limitation to marriage. But Article 2 establishes that all people are "entitled to all the rights and freedoms set forth in this Declaration, without distinction of any kind, such as race, colour, sex, language, religion, political or other opinion, national or social origin, property, birth or other status [emphasis mine]."

This country and the world still have a long way to go, and the truth is, there are much more egregious human rights violations than the lack of same-sex marriage being committed in the United States and all over the world. Humans are troubled creatures, prone to hatred, violence and divisiveness. I am a realist. I realize that human nature cannot be forced into submission.

But I'm also an idealist. I know that we've come a long way already. And I still hope for the ultimate triumph of love, peace and unity.

Marriage Is Love

Below is the text of President-Elect Obama’s response to a question from the Human Rights Campaign regarding same-sex marriage. The questionnaire in its entirety with Obama’s answers is available at www.barackobama.com.

I believe civil unions should include the same legal rights that accompany a marriage license. I support the notion that all people – gay or straight – deserve the same rights and responsibilities to assist their loved ones in times of emergency, deserve equal health insurance and other employment benefits currently extended to traditional married couples, and deserve the same property rights as anyone else.

However, I do not support gay marriage. Marriage has religious and social connotations, and I consider marriage to be between a man and a woman. If I was President, however, I would oppose any effort to stifle a state’s ability to decide this question on its own. Whether it was a Constitutional amendment banning gay marriage or a bill like the Defense of Marriage Act, I would oppose such efforts. I think the President should do all he or she can to advance strong families. Whatever the make-up of the family, it is the President’s role to provide policies and leadership that enable the family to thrive.

Now, here is an altered version of the same text. I have changed some of the original words to illustrate a point.

I believe civil unions should include the same legal rights that accompany a marriage license. I support the notion that all couples – interracial or not – deserve the same rights and responsibilities to assist their loved ones in times of emergency, deserve equal health insurance and other employment benefits currently extended to traditional married couples, and deserve the same property rights as anyone else.

However, I do not support interracial marriage. Marriage has religious and social connotations, and I consider marriage to be between two people of the same race. If I was President, however, I would oppose any effort to stifle a state’s ability to decide this question on its own. Whether it was a Constitutional amendment banning interracial marriage or a bill like the Defense of White Marriage Act, I would oppose such efforts. I think the President should do all he or she can to advance strong families. Whatever the make-up of the family, it is the President’s role to provide policies and leadership that enable the family to thrive.

The altered version would sound pretty preposterous coming from the child of an interracial marriage. Of course, it's pretty preposterous on its own. But laws against interracial marriage were still in place in several states as recently as 1967.

Granted, it is entirely possible that Obama's lack of support for legal same-sex marriage is at least partially due to the current political climate. Vocally supporting gay marriage would most likely have hurt Obama's chances for election. The wording in his response to the HRC's question about same-sex marriage was likely purposefully mitigating, in order to appeal to both sides of the issue. Appealing to both sides of an issue is what politicians do best.

According to the questionnaire, Obama would oppose legislation that would eliminate states' rights to decide on their own whether or not to legalize same-sex marriage. His personal, religiously-motivated belief is that marriage is between a man and a woman, but he is in favor of granting same-sex couples a separate-but-equal institution that would give them the same legal rights as marriage—just don't call it marriage, 'cause that word is sacred. He supports strong families, but some families have to stand in one line, and other families get to stand in the other line (the one that everyone wants to stand in).

Making comparisons between the struggle for gay rights and the struggle for civil rights for black Americans is dangerous territory, of course, because the iniquities committed against blacks in this country have been, overall, much more egregious and pervasive. However, civil marriage is a civil right, and it's not the same thing as religious marriage. No religion will ever be forced to perform marriages that it believes are wrong. But if straight people have the right to civil marriages, then gay people ought to have the right to them, too. Otherwise, we should get rid of the term "marriage" in terms of government-recognized unions altogether and have everyone stand in the line for a civil union license.

Religious marriage of same-sex couples can be and is performed by religious denominations that support it. The government has granted pastors, priests, rabbis, etc. the right to create a civil marriage at the same time that they create a religious marriage. However, religious leaders who would like to create a civil same-sex marriage at the same time as the religious one are unable to do so. Conservative religious beliefs dictate government policy on this issue. That seems a little like the establishment of a state religion. Thus, same-sex marriage can be viewed as a freedom of religion issue as well as a civil rights issue. How can we pass a Constitutional amendment that eliminates a First Amendment right without also repealing the First Amendment?

Not every church is going to sanction same-sex marriage, and not everyone wants a church-sanctioned marriage, anyway. Not everyone even wants to be married. The right in question is the right to civil marriage for those couples who desire it. Same-sex couples should have the same civil rights as opposite-sex couples. That means either a) giving same-sex couples the right to legally marry, or b) eliminating the word "marriage" from legal licenses and giving all couples the right to civil unions that are legally equivalent to today's civil marriages.

A lot of the argument on this issue is over semantics. Religious conservatives believe that the word "marriage" is sacred and they don't want to change the traditional definition to include same-sex unions. Committed, loving same-sex couples want to call their unions "marriages" and have those marriages be recognized by the law. Civil unions that confer the same legal rights as civil marriages are a step in the right direction. But ultimately, the government ought to pick one term and use it for all legally-recognized committed unions. Using two different terms for two different groups of people perpetuates inequality.

Separate is not equal.

The author invites her readers to join her at the St. Louis protest against California’s Proposition 8 this Saturday, November 15 at 12 noon downtown at the Old Courthouse. More information about the protest can be found at www.showmenohate.blogspot.com. Information on simultaneous protests in other cities nationwide is available at www.jointheimpact.wetpaint.com.